| Thanks to USA hockey for use rights. |
This is a portion of a review of a speech given by
CoachingSchool.org Founder and Head Coach, Gary
Avischious, by a parent during a parents meeting. It offers
some insights into a parents way of looking at their child.
Although I had never thought of it that way, Avischious pointed
out that the concept of "Winning" is largely a parent thing.
Obviously it is important that we instill a winning attitude, and
winning certainly makes competition more fun, but think about
this as an example: What if a bunch of kids get together to
play a pickup game of basketball after school (that used to
happen a few years ago). With no parents, coaches, or
officials around, they begin playing a game with no set plays,
no pre-determined positions, and (most-important) absolutely
no "advice" from spectators...because there aren't any. What
will happen? Well, they'll probably have a great time, get
along well with the 'other' team, and they'll probably learn from
their own mistakes. Two other phenomena will also probably
take place: First, they'll probably get tired of keeping score,
and will just play for the fun of the competition. Second,
they'll probably keep trading players in a constant effort to
"make the game even." What does that tell us about kid's
interest in "Winning"?
I thought about this concept a lot yesterday, when our
daughters played two great games and one lousy one. It was
easy to be supportive and cheering during the two good
performances; a lot tougher to be supportive when they were
stinking up the place. As parents, though, isn't it during just
that kind of game that we need to challenge ourselves, rise to
the occasion, and be supportive, upbeat adults? Do they
really need us to point out how badly they're playing? We are
raising intelligent and thoughtful daughters, all of whom were
probably keenly aware of the lopsided score and their own role
it.
This is tough to admit, but when you come right down to it,
many of our negative comments arise out of our own
embarrassment at our child's performance. Yep, I'm
'embarrassed' to admit it, but don't we sometimes find ourselves
personally embarrassed when our child is playing poorly?
When my daughter misses ten layups in a row, I don't groan or
make negative comments because of my grave concern for the
outcome of the game, or my touching concern for the feelings
of my daughter...nope, I'm personally embarrassed, and
wondering what the other parents are thinking. How screwed
up is that? I imagine that my daughter is well aware, at that
point, that her layups are awful. Do I really think that my
daughter needs me to tell her, during the game or after, about
missing layups and not practicing them regularly? Will my
hollering suddenly cause the ball to go into the basket?
John C
Parent
Colorado Springs
CoachingSchool.org Founder and Head Coach, Gary
Avischious, by a parent during a parents meeting. It offers
some insights into a parents way of looking at their child.
Although I had never thought of it that way, Avischious pointed
out that the concept of "Winning" is largely a parent thing.
Obviously it is important that we instill a winning attitude, and
winning certainly makes competition more fun, but think about
this as an example: What if a bunch of kids get together to
play a pickup game of basketball after school (that used to
happen a few years ago). With no parents, coaches, or
officials around, they begin playing a game with no set plays,
no pre-determined positions, and (most-important) absolutely
no "advice" from spectators...because there aren't any. What
will happen? Well, they'll probably have a great time, get
along well with the 'other' team, and they'll probably learn from
their own mistakes. Two other phenomena will also probably
take place: First, they'll probably get tired of keeping score,
and will just play for the fun of the competition. Second,
they'll probably keep trading players in a constant effort to
"make the game even." What does that tell us about kid's
interest in "Winning"?
I thought about this concept a lot yesterday, when our
daughters played two great games and one lousy one. It was
easy to be supportive and cheering during the two good
performances; a lot tougher to be supportive when they were
stinking up the place. As parents, though, isn't it during just
that kind of game that we need to challenge ourselves, rise to
the occasion, and be supportive, upbeat adults? Do they
really need us to point out how badly they're playing? We are
raising intelligent and thoughtful daughters, all of whom were
probably keenly aware of the lopsided score and their own role
it.
This is tough to admit, but when you come right down to it,
many of our negative comments arise out of our own
embarrassment at our child's performance. Yep, I'm
'embarrassed' to admit it, but don't we sometimes find ourselves
personally embarrassed when our child is playing poorly?
When my daughter misses ten layups in a row, I don't groan or
make negative comments because of my grave concern for the
outcome of the game, or my touching concern for the feelings
of my daughter...nope, I'm personally embarrassed, and
wondering what the other parents are thinking. How screwed
up is that? I imagine that my daughter is well aware, at that
point, that her layups are awful. Do I really think that my
daughter needs me to tell her, during the game or after, about
missing layups and not practicing them regularly? Will my
hollering suddenly cause the ball to go into the basket?
John C
Parent
Colorado Springs
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